Dog Racing, Poker, and swimming with dolphins.

I’m trying not to lose my cool with the guy across from me in the poker room at the Orange Park Kennel Club in Jacksonville Florida.  Every time he wins a hand he yells out “I’m a buzzard and I’m going to eat your chicken.” I’m glad I had a medicated breath strip before I walked in or I’d be smarting off.  In addition, the table next to me just won the bad beat jackpot.  They are jumping around ordering shots and massages. Needless to say all eyes in the room are on them.  One woman won $35,000, one guy won $10,000 and everyone else at the table won $3800.  On top of all that the live dog racing is agitating me more than I thought it would. It doesn’t seem humane. I’m thinking about glue factories and the one time I ate dog in China.  “Track to table in three days.” they say and having seen some of the food coming out of the kitchen at this place I’d say it might be track to table in three hours.  I cash in and decide to head over to Orange Park Billiards Bar across the street.  This is our crew hang out this episode and as soon as I walk in I see Tipsy McStumbles talking to a few locals at the bar.  After joining the conversation one of the girls tells us “I’ve been pregnant seven times but only have two kids.”  Leave it to Tipsy to find the local who has as many abortions as DUI’s.  I thought I had heard it all tonight but then I decided to ask the bartender why she was walking around so gingerly.  In what I would say is opening up way too much to a complete stranger Betty goes on to tell me, “I had a miscarriage today and when I came into work to tell my boss I couldn’t work for the next few days he said I couldn’t leave until someone covered my shift and I haven’t been able to reach anyone who is available.” I tell her “that’s why people call in sick and next time I suggest you use your phone.” She replies “Well my cell phone was dead and I don’t have a home phone anymore.”  Check please.  At times like this I appreciate The Lady and can’t wait until I see her in six days.  After socializing with the locals for a bit, I decide to head home because tomorrow I’m filming underwater while one of our talent swims with dolphins.  As a general rule, you’re not supposed to drink too much the night before you scuba so I’m going to call it an early night.  I've broken that rule in horrible ways before but I don't feel like stroking out tomorrow because I stayed out too late talking to these barflies. I’m nervous because dolphins are seen as cute and cuddly pets but in my mind they are gay sharks and I don’t like the idea of swimming in an enclose area with wild animals.  You never know when they might flip the script. I know plenty of stories about people being bumped, bitten, and tossed around by dolphins.  I’m not afraid of much and life is full of risks so I’ll jump in the water calm as can be.  It will be an interesting day and if I get a chance I’m going to grab their fins and race around the tank a few times. 
http://www.jaxpokerroom.com/OrangePark.asp
http://local.yahoo.com/info-58675973-orange-park-billards-pub-orange-park
http://www.marineland.net/index.php

Table For Three

I look deep into the eyes of the face in front of me and like a giant electro magnet it pulls me deeper into our stare.  If it was a game I'd lose because I blink and can only think "I'm back to chicken nuggets."  Three days ago I picked The Lady and The Three Year Old up from the airport and they are the newest  residents of Los Angeles.  Instant family table for three, please.  The Fifth, my local watering hole, is going to put out an All Points Bulletin. The Lady and I share a love of food and we couldn't wait to get home and cook the second half of our lasagna.  I'm going to be a tougher critic next time I'm eating out because I'm enamored with ours. The Lady cooked up some steaming Chinese chicken stir fry the second night.  She spiced it with tangelos and lemons she picked during my jam session with The Slippers earlier that day. Actor Matt can't get rid of fruit fast enough.  He hates the waste of fruit rotting on the ground so he jokes of loading up his harvest and setting up at the local farmers market Sunday morning. The handpicked citrus added a fresh tangy kick to the chicken and balanced the woodsy flavor of bamboo and water chestnuts.  Tonight I don't know if I'm thinking or hearing "stop whining and eat a chicken." as I'm cooking up fresh ingredients for turkey burritos. Unfortunately our time together is short lived and I will be on a plane first thing Monday morning back across the country to Jacksonville, Florida.  I'm keeping my promise of getting reacquainted with airplanes for 2011. I've cleaned out the house and made 9 trips to goodwill.  I'm definitely not a hoarder and it feels cleansing to have spring cleaning done in January.  The Lady's boxes arrive next week so I'm sure we'll fill it back up.  On a personal note, I just dried out from working in Cocoa Beach and now I'm trying to plan my outfit for productions "What will you look like in the Retirement Home" Party.  Alpha Team loves it's dress up parties.  I'm looking for a walker, beer funnel, bed pan, IV stand, roller skates, horn and a couple gallons of Jack Daniels.  I'm praying I won't be stopped and questioned by TSA.

My Space Ship knows which way to go

I’m filming in mission control; the hub from the Mercury and Gemini space programs during the early 60’s and my phone has more technology than this entire room. Any Astronaut from Nasa’s early days was nuts to strap themselves to rockets knowing they could die any second.  It’s a risky rush I guess.  I’m laughing because I can hear The Host asking our Kennedy Space Center chaperone about space docking. I know he’s not asking about true space and if our guide knew what he was really asking she would be aghast. All I can say is as a crew we're always trying to one up the other person and being at Nasa talking about space docking with real scientist who have no idea they are in the middle of an inside joke puts The Host on top of our leader board. My main concern is the fact The Host's eye is a little swollen because I accidentally hit him last night with a spinning hammer fist when we were playing the Boxer bar game. After hours “Don’t think drink!” is the motto our production lives by and it creates havoc and chaos sometimes. This episode we’ve been hanging out at Time Out, a dive sports bar in Cocoa Beach, Fl, where the bartenders have been pouring drinks by holding the bottle upside down and saying “Tell me when to Stop.” We are staying in the Hiton on the beach and our bar is great but drinks are over the moon expensive. Time Out is right accross the street and the ownership, locals, and bar flies have adopted us nicely. The food is typical...chicken tender, cheese sticks and wings, but nobody is here for the food and it serves as substance to keep drinking. It's a sleepy time of year in Cocoa Beach, but I can imagine during summer this strand of beach goes crazy. As far as work, we sent a Producer to Haiti this week for an integration scene and she is dancing around drunk telling everyone “yesterday I was drinking purified water from a river that had dead bodies, pigs, and people bathing in it and tomorrow I’m going to Disney World.” We go through extremes in my business and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve been having some old school ping pong battles with Head Tech, but other than him nobody has game.  We’re joking because Turbo has a $100 paddle and he’s horrible.  Head Tech tells him “Braggers are losers.”  I beat him 21-7 with a 3 dollar paddle much like the time I saw Rock Foster beat McAbee with a trowel after giving him a 15 point lead during the hay days of San Luis Obispo. Production is in a great mood this week because we had “Take my Job”. Our entire production drew names last episode and then we dressed up and switched jobs for a few hours the other day.  It was great and everyone got a sense of how other departments work on a large scale show. I drew Transpo Captain so I lived the teamster life. Basically I relaxed and didn’t have a 40lb camera on my shoulder.  Tonight is our wrap party at Fish Lips.  In addition Time Out has told us they are staying open until 5AM and bringing back Karaoke so it’s going to get messy.  I wish The Lady was here because I miss spinning her on the dance floor but unfortunately I’m still solo for a few days.  If I knock the host out again I’ll be fired so my spinning hammer fist is under wraps, but I’m warming up my vocal cords and feel a Bones Thugs and Harmony song is on tap.

10 days in Cocoa Beach, Fl

I put down a fork of the worst refried beans I’ve had in years and nearly spit my margarita out when Tipsy Mcstumbles tells the table he broke up with the girl who was not his girlfriend on New Year’s Eve. Bama says “How do you break up with someone who’s not your girlfriend in the first place?” “Well she just really pissed me off so I told her she had to get all her shit out of the house tomorrow.” I read between the lines and think Tipsy suddenly realized he in fact had a girlfriend, freaked out, then on impulse broke up with her at the bar and made her cry 20 minutes after NYE.  That’s one way to start a new year.  Mine was mellower and I spent it with The Lady in Lake Tahoe watching 60,000 street revelers from 19 Bar at Harveys.  I used to be the first one into the middle of a crowd that size but now I’m content to watch the action from 19 Floors up avoiding the massive snow ball fights, drunken amateurs, fist fights for girls, and 10 degree weather.  It was great to kiss The Lady on New Year’s Eve knowing we have special plans to put into action for 2011.

The Lady is on her way back to Sippi so I’m riding solo again this episode. Yesterday I was happy flying 35,000 feet over Texas when I realized I’d be in Florida in 3 hours instead of 3 days.  I love driving and taking road trips but after7 coast to coast trips to end 2010 I’ve made it my resolution for 2011 to get reacquainted with airplanes.  Right now a group of us are sitting at a Mexican restaurant in Cocoa Beach, Fl waiting for the waitress to tally up separate checks for 12 people. We asked her not to because we’re in a hurry; so far it’s taken 25 minutes and the pitchers of margaritas and beer are empty and troops are ready to move onto the Irish Pub.  The Pub is across the street from our beach front hotel.  It’s nice staying on the beach but unfortunately we won’t have any time to enjoy the perks so it’s also a form of torture to wake up looking at wild dolphins swimming in the Atlantic Ocean then watch surfers grind on waves as we load into our shuttle vans like cattle going out to graze.  The Pub is a nice quiet Irish Bar with a few beach bum locals. Fortunately the establishment allows smoking so for the next ten days it’s going to be a loud after hours production bar.  I’ve been here three days and have met NASA Engineers, NASA Astronauts, Clean Cut Military people and the locals we met last night.  I often forget how southern Florida actually is.  I saw first hand last night some fine examples of Southern Rednecks running around town. As expected there are more strip clubs than I’ve seen since the last time I was in Florida.  They are up and down the main drag and the crew is gearing up for a big Friday night but I’m ducking out from that scene tonight. I’m sure the van ride to work tomorrow will have a spirited game of smell my finger and a few names will be put onto the kill board in the camera truck.  When this crew is on the road nothing less than complete debauchery is brought up for discussion.