I hear "we're hot...firing" before suddenly seeing a 15 foot fireball rushing straight at me and I brace for the worse. Once the heat hits me the beauty of the flames inexplicably rushing pass me create traces of orange light that illuminate the dark corners of my mind. Recently doubt has replaced trust in there and Mr. Fireball has made that crystal clear. As soon as the flames whoosh by Wild Card says to me, "Are you alright? That was suppose to shoot straight up but we must have a propane leak that's settling on the floor and that bad boy went right at you." The smell of burnt hair lingers so I'm franticly checking to make sure my eyebrows and eyelashes are still there. Tree, the other cameraman, runs over "that was super intense to watch Cash Bar it looked like the fireball was trying to eat you." Clarity infiltrates the dark corners and I answer "I ain't no side dish; I'm a main course." Everyone laughs and I walk away knowing that statement is true not only for a fireball but my life in general. That's life on the set of a rogue build show where we are filming teams playing with pyro, tools, heavy machinery and a warehouse that could fit 8 football fields inside. I'm surrounded by people but I'm alone in thought. Mr. Fireball made me understand that ultimately I'm on my own and I have to look out for my safety. The Lady and The Four Year Old have headed for greener pastures so the safety plan includes all aspects of my life right now. In shortest terms possible our communication lost honesty. I'm like a rocket ship with two speeds because I'm either resting on the launch pad or I'm using 25 million newtons of thrust flying off to the moon. In the future I need to find an orbiting and chilling in space mode and The Lady's going to follow a new career path. In any regards, I'm going to encourage my inner strength to grow and then I will try to use it in different contexts of my life. My empowered single phase is back and while I don't want to visit all the dark, seedy corners I've trolled in the past I do feel like doubling the explosives and shortening the fuse to send 2011 out in a rough and tough, hard and fast way.
