I’m drinking in the hotel bar and my Russian Bartender, a practicing magician, is laying out some impressive card tricks. While she deals out the cards I impress her with my trick of making a drink disappear right under my nose. I’m sitting next to Tipsy Mcstumbles and a girl who continues to introduce herself as his girlfriend but all of us know all too well Tipsy doesn’t have a girlfriend. Tipsy shrugs off the statement knowing he’s going to get lucky tonight and then she’s out of town tomorrow. We’re waiting for Bama to get his car and drive us to the Ale house. The Ale House is a good size bar and grill that has live music and average food so our production crew has adopted it as a second home this week. Bama’s a good guy to have around and he keeps my head on straight during the day. I’m glad he’s drinking and eating again after starving himself before his final weigh- in for the biggest loser competition that everyone in production participated in. An English ex boxer won the competition and everyone is upset because he went into crazy boxer cutting weight mode an ran around for hours at a time with trash bags all over his body to get down to zero water weight. The Englishman looks sick but he’s $2000 richer now so I guess he can eat filet mignon for the next few weeks, but not the Ale House’s. Jco’s all around after that and the night blends together. There are a few reasons for that the first being the night before during our white elephant Christmas party many people gave out an assortment of pills, medicine, whiskey and moonshine as presents and now we are all sharing the wealth of an unexpected bounty of goodies. It’s always funny to see a transpo guys steal the present of vicodin from the editor for the second and last time and I make a mental note not to ride in his shuttle van to our production site in the morning. I’ve formed a relationship with a moon shining teamster this week and his cherry moonshine is a hit with the crew. Mix it with sprite and you have an Electric Shirley Temple and a better than average buzz. The Apple Pie moon shine is also a nice smooth blend and seems appropriate for Christmas. I’m not checking out the local eateries this trip because The Lady is at home and I’d rather order room service and eat vicodin. If you’re at the Double Tree in Augusta the angus burger will do, but the orange ginger chicken wings are much better. The chicken Caesar is better than average and came with a side of golden raisins and cranberry’s. In addition the hotel is full of head spinning Russian’s but I can’t help thinking that Tiger had a field day of orgies while staying here during The Masters so I’ll leave them be. Truthfully I miss The Lady and I’m not about to sneak behind her back. Bistro491 is a hot spot with certain crew members and from what they say everything is great. I hate that saying but maybe it’s true and everything is good. Right now I can’t get off the bed to report any different so I’ll take them at their word. Two days left on this episode then it’s another cross country trip back to LA. As I hit repeat and let Jamey Johnson’s Macon play again I can’t help thinking about the Lady and reconnecting with her for a belated birthday party in Sippi. I don’t have a gift for the party yet but one thing I can say is I won’t be regifting anything from my last party and a certain phrase from The Three Year Old keeps echoing in my head…”mine.”
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