Our plane touches down in San Antonio and it’s sad to note that this is last time the crew will do this for Extreme Makeover Home Edition. The show was recently cancelled after 9 seasons and we are here to film the last episode. There is a saying in production that I’ve adopted as my motto, it’s not called showfreinds its called showbiz, but in the case of Extreme Makeover that saying doesn’t hold true. This crew is a family and this group also likes its parties, so in true Alpha team style a bus is at the airport waiting to pick us up and take us to a Mariachi and margarita party hosted by the city. I’m with Tipsy Mcstumbles and when we walk into the bar it’s clear by the people stumbling around that there is an open bar. A stunning Latina supermodel walks up to us and holds out a full tray of tequila shots, “Welcome to San Antonio! Do you want to try a shot of Ambhar Tequila?” Of course we answer yes. “If we drink enough of this will all the girls look like you?” Tipsy ask and The Stunner laughs and starts handing us shots. “Put your finger in mine so it’s extra sweet.” I say and she does. The party continues and it obvious people are drinking out of sadness the show is over and happiness because it’s the last time so might as well go out big.
Bronco walks up and asks where The Lady is. This is a question I will have to field 100 times tonight because when I started this show The Lady and I were locked at the hip and traveled to all the episodes together so the crew is use to her being around. Memories flood my brain but I push them out with more tequila. I was raised in a rough and tough manner and emotions were kept on the inside as a child. I remember something my dad told me at Christmas, “There are thousands of fish out there and you need to remember we’re tough. Iron Sharpens iron, Punch first if you’re in a fight, winning does count, and don’t talk do it, then talk about it.” I foul on the last part of his advice and my actions don’t always speak louder than my words. I tuck my emotions away and live for the moment. Mariachis fire up the music and everyone starts dancing. It’s a great night until somebody goes so big they end up puking all over the bathroom then on the patio and in the process knocks over a few tables and chairs. The Restaurant is not impressed, everyone is cut off and the party is shut down. About this time I think the city is reevaluating its decision to throw us a party and the Mayor is ready to take the Key to the City back. I know your question and the answer is no…it wasn’t me. Tipsy and I walk into the regular costumers bar and join the crowd. This works for another half hour until the owner walks up to usher us out, “hey is this a cash bar now?” I ask. He tells us our money is no good and we are not welcome here anymore. Eighty-sixed again. We all stumble back to the hotel and post party in Bronco’s Room. Arty walks in with a Tupperware full of cali medicine and a set of headphones. “What are the head phones for?” I ask. Arty gives me looks like I’m the stupidest guy in the room, “you never got high and needed headphones to hear god?” The room goes quiet and Nudist producer yells “I need to talk to god so load that shit up and give me the green hit.” We puff, puff, pass and I go home disappointed because nudist producer hogs the head phones and I never hear from God.
It’s a short show for me because I’m doubled booked and have to leave the episode early. On my last night a group of us go to Durty Nellie’s on The Riverwalk for a night out. If you are ever in San Antonio look it up because the live music is great and the atmosphere on Riverwalk is worth a visit. I will miss Tipsy Mcstumbles, Bama, Head Tech & Zoe Zoe, Bronco, Red, Boston, Happy EP, The Dean, The Griff Bar and Crazy hair Jeffers, but we all know it’s a small world in production and we will see each other down the line. As for me it’s time for an adventure of a lifetime and I’m ready to leave civilization behind and live in the South American rain forest for a couple months. Thanks to Extreme for allowing me to be part of the family, I will miss you all and the good we did for families around the country.
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